How happiness experts stay centered, optimistic, grateful and satisfied in their busy lives—and how you can, too
~ Patty Onderko
What makes you happy?
Besides the big stuff like family, health, work and faith, you
probably treasure at least one small, regular ritual that brings you
peace, joy, sanity, flow and reflection. Unwittingly over the years, you
have probably developed and perfected a strategy for cultivating
qualities proven to feed a positive outlook: gratitude, optimism, awe,
compassion, mindfulness and physical health, for instance. And it’s
probably not by writing in a leather-bound gratitude journal every night
or sitting in the lotus position chanting “om” each morning. Happy habits don’t need to be formal or fit idealized notions of tranquility or all-out jubilation, but they should be personalized.
My ritual is going for a long walk through the neighborhood with my
headphones on, music providing a dramatic soundtrack to my everyday
worries, hopes and fantasies. But you might lift your mood by gardening,
sipping coffee while reading a book, doodling on a sketchpad, reading
your child a bedtime story or hiking with a friend.
We asked positive-psychology leaders how they practice what they
preach. How do they stay centered, optimistic, grateful and satisfied in
their busy lives? They share their surprising answers below.
1. “First thing in the morning I get on my
treadmill, and I get a bridge partner on the Internet. I have an air
desk so I can walk for an hour at 3 mph and play bridge at the same
time.”
—Martin Seligman, Ph.D.
2. “A good conversation with a friend over a cup of
coffee and jogging along the Hudson River in New York City are two of my
favorite activities.”
—Gabriele Oettingen, Ph.D.
3. “Even when I’m totally off my game and out of my
normal happiness routines—which include writing down what I’m grateful
for, getting enough sleep, hiking with my dog, allowing myself to just
work on one thing at a time, etc.—I still always make an effort to
connect with strangers. I look passersby in the eye and smile. I chat
with the barista. I dish out compliments (“Love your shoes!”) in the
grocery store. It’s almost a game for me: Who smiles back? Who
brightens? Who chuckles? And it rarely fails to lift my spirits.”
—Christine Carter, Ph.D.
4. “Before breakfast every morning, I start a
meditative routine on a yoga mat with a foam roller. I work through
trigger points in my legs, hips, back and chest. Then I move to a series
of plank and lunge poses. Often my 3-year-old daughter will climb onto
my back to add 50 pounds of weight. She knows Daddy starts the day by
working out. She knows I don’t talk when I work out, so I can hear her
breathing next to my own, and we often get synchronized. Taking care of
my body, noticing and appreciating what is happening in the present
moment, connecting to my daughter: all mushed up together in a daily
10-minute routine.”
—Todd Kashdan, Ph.D.
5. “I make sure I ask myself what I need emotionally
in the moment, then try to provide it directly. This often involves
some physical touch like putting both my hands on my heart so I can feel
cared for and supported, and then speaking to myself with the same
warmth, compassion and encouragement I would show to a good friend. When
I’m struggling, I say things like ‘I’m sorry this is so hard right now.
I’m here for you.’ ”
—Kristen Neff, Ph.D.
6. “Every other week, I take my 1-year-old son Leo
to the Dallas aquarium. Very few things in this world make me as happy
as watching someone I love become overwhelmed with awe at something as
ordinary as a swimming turtle. Awe, like joy, is contagious, and I want
to see the world through eyes like Leo’s.”
—Shawn Achor
7. “I love to run and/or walk along the Charles
River here in Boston, in all seasons. But the biggest delight I share
with my wife, Alicia, is our annual weeklong visit to Rancho La Puerta
in Tecate, Mexico. We look forward to it all year as a boost and
culmination of being active, outside, with a new group of friends, doing
yoga and tai chi, participating in new dances, and being almost
completely away from our digital connections and devices.”
—John J. Ratey, M.D., professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and author of Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain
and Go Wild: Free Your Body and Mind from the Afflictions of Civilization
8. “Kickboxing class is my coffee-free pickup. It is
not violent (I box to a four-count beat with music) but rather an
exhilarating way to get my feel-good hormones racing through my body.”
—Elizabeth Lombardo, Ph.D., author of Better than Perfect: 7 Strategies to Crush Your Inner Critic and Create a Life You Love
9. “I try to reflect on human kindness by thinking of those who have reached out to me or offered help.”
—Fred Luskin, Ph.D.
10. “For me, it’s going on a brisk walk through
parklands or by the water. I walk fast enough to get my blood pumping
and clear my head. Sometimes I listen to music or an audio program, but
mostly I just breathe deeply and listen to my own thoughts, allowing
them to untangle in my mind.”
—Domonique Bertolucci
11. “I just try to make anything I have to do, or
that I can do, into something that I enjoy—by learning about it,
savoring it, doing it better than I did it before. When I was younger, I
depended much more on specific activities like rock climbing, mountain
climbing, painting or reading…. Now, in the ninth decade of life, I am
just grateful to be alive…. [And] the people I love… are just as
essential now as they ever were.”
—Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Ph.D.
Source: success.com
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