Attachment is a deep and long lasting relationship that develops
between an infant and primary caregiver, usually a mother, in the early
years. Infants are born with the instinct to survive and from birth
onward signal their needs to a caregiver. Caregivers often instinctively
respond to these signals with nurturing and comfort. Not responding to
the signals leaves infants very vulnerable. Without their physical needs
being met infants will die. Without their needs for nurturing and
comfort met infants will not thrive.
When caregivers respond to the infant’s signals with the appropriate
response, empathy and caring, infants learn to trust that the caregiver
will be available and understand their needs and desires. Such infants
develop secure attachments. When caregivers are inconsistently available
or unavailable and rejecting infants develop insecure attachments. When
caregivers are neglectful or abusive, infants develop severe
disorganized attachments.
As infants interact with their caregivers over time these attachment
patterns become internalized and stabilized in the brain and act as
templates for relationships for life, operating at an unconscious level.
Such templates hold expectations of relationships, beliefs about
oneself and perceptions of others. As children move out into the world
and continue to interact with others they operate from these
internalized beliefs, unconsciously encouraging others to treat them
similarly to their caregivers. As other people treat such children in
uncaring, angry, rejecting or inconsistent ways the belief that they are
unworthy of care and that relationships are untrustworthy is confirmed.
For example, children who experience physical and emotional
maltreatment from their parents or caregivers will perceive caregivers
as dangerous and believe that they have to protect themselves. They may
do this by avoiding closeness and controlling others or responding to
innocent or accidental slights by other with threats and aggression.
Their perception that others will hurt them is distorted by their early
harmful relationships but very real to them. As they become more
aggressive and controlling, others avoid these children, reject them or
punish them which feels similar to the treatment they received from
their caregivers.
If insecure attachment templates are entrenched neurologically how
can they be changed? Therapists who work with children with severe
attachment problems have been struggling with this issue for the past
few decades, particularly after so many East European orphans were
adopted in the 1970ties. Therapy focusing on attachment became the model
to understand such disturbed adopted children and to treat them.
Attachment Focused Therapy has evolved over the decades and with today’s
understanding of Attachment Theory and Brain Development certain core
elements now underpin Attachment Focused Therapy:
- Therapy includes the child and primary caregiver(s), whether adopted, foster or birth
parents. - The elements that constitute a secure attachment relationship are incorporated into the
therapy. These include:- creating safety and predictability, by providing limits, routines and expectations only
as benign elements to create a safe environment - empathy and atonement by connecting with the underlying emotional state of the child
- demonstrating pleasure and affection in the interaction with the child, despite the
anger and rejection presented by the child’s behaviour - nurturing
- Encouraging rational processing by reflection, curiosity and thoughtfulness.
- creating safety and predictability, by providing limits, routines and expectations only
The challenge for parents who have adopted or are fostering children
with severe attachment issues is to retain a calm detachment from the
harmful and self-harming behaviour while remaining engaged and caring.
Parents may need professional help to better understand the effects of
the hurtful early history and learn effective interventions to live with
and help their children. If adoptive and foster parents are able to
provide a secure loving environment for their children, not be provoked
regularly by the challenging behaviour and help their children reflect
on their feelings and behaviour, children with insecure attachments can
redevelop attachments that allow for greater self-worth, trust in others
and an ability to manage their feelings and behaviour.
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